I don't know about you but if I hear one more word about this facacta presidential election I'm going to explode, and you know when I explode there's just going to be glitter everywhere. Let's avoid that mess altogether and simply appoint me queen of all time, shall we?
Seriously though, I could use that strapping secret service detail. I just hope they know how to keep a secret... And first thing I'd do in the White House, besides the obligatory bedazzling, is veganize the kitchen.
Here's a recipe that would surely be included in my arsenal of culinary weapons for world peace. Give it a whirl and imagine yourself queen for a day. I'll even loan you my tiara.
And of course, if it's power you want, baby, get out and VOTE in November. I won't tell you how to vote, but if you scroll down you might just get a glimpse of where my loyalties lie. #SorryNotSorry #LoveTrumpsHate #YourMistressHasSpoken
Yields 4 servings
I just found out that Marilyn Monroe was crowned the first Artichoke Queen in 1948. What? How did I not know this? And more importantly, why haven’t I been crowned Artichoke Queen yet? I’m the queen of everything else, why not artichokes too? But I’m sure that once word gets out about my Fit-for-a-Queen Artichokes, I’ll be hailed as the next Artichoke Queen. I knew that diamonds were a girl’s best friend, but I had no idea that one might say the same for artichokes, especially when they’re stuffed with breadcrumbs, smothered in vegan cheese, and dipped in garlic aïoli. Long live the queen!
4 whole artichokes
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3 cups cubed French bread
1 tablespoon white balsamic vinegar
⅓ cup nondairy Parmesan cheese
Freshly ground black pepper
1 cup shredded nondairy mozzarella cheese
¼ cup vegan mayonnaise
2 teaspoons minced garlic
½ teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
First queenly duty: Put on a tiara and prep the artichokes. Cut off the artichoke stems to create flat bottoms so the artichokes can stand upright. Peel off the first two layers of leaves at the base. With scissors, remove the pointed tips from all the remaining leaves and snip 1 inch off the top. Snip, snip.
Fill a large soup pot with 4 quarts of water and bring to a boil over high heat.
Add 1 tablespoon of the oil and the artichokes and boil for 25 minutes. (Come on now! Did Marilyn ever even boil an artichoke?) Drain the artichokes in a colander and let cool, about 10 minutes.
While the artichokes are boiling, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. If the kitchen gets too toasty, go outside and stand over a subway vent to cool off. (This works best if you’re wearing a flare skirt, and if you live near a subway.)
To make the stuffing, put the bread on a baking sheet and bake for about 5 minutes, until the cubes are lightly toasted, crispy on the outside but soft on the inside. Remove from the oven and put in a medium bowl. (Leave the oven turned on as you will soon be baking the artichokes.)
Drizzle the vinegar and the remaining 2 tablespoons of the oil over the bread cubes and toss until moistened. Stir in the nondairy Parmesan cheese. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
To prepare the artichokes for stuffing, stand them up on their bottoms. Pick up each artichoke with tongs and use a spoon to remove the center and scrape out the fuzzy leaves while leaving the center choke and exterior leaves intact.
Fill the center cavity with the stuffing. Fan the outer leaves and stuff each leaf with a bit of stuffing. Now for the coronation. Cue fanfare. Crown each artichoke with ¼ cup of the nondairy mozzarella cheese.
Bake for 20 minutes, until the crown of nondairy mozzarella cheese has melted.
While the artichokes bake, prepare the garlic aïoli. Mix the vegan mayonnaise, garlic, and lemon juice in a small bowl. Divide the aïoli among four small dipping bowls.
Serve and eat these things like the raging queen that you are. Oh, you want to know how to eat these things? See Tricks of the Trade to learn how to enjoy this royal entrée to the max.
Per serving: 461 calories, 14 g protein, 27 g fat (4 g sat), 40 g carbohydrates, 748 mg sodium, 198 mg calcium, 11 g fiber
Tricks of the Trade
Eat your cooked artichokes like the queen of your childhood dreams—regally, but with your fingers. Pull off the outer leaves, one at a time, keeping your pinkies up for some majestic allure. Dip the fleshy end of each leaf in the garlic aïoli and eat the soft, fleshy part of each leaf. Continue until all the leaves have been removed. Finally, you’ve arrived at the heart of the artichoke. Go on, eat your heart out, and crown me Artichoke Queen!
Find this recipe and other sumptuous treats in my cookbook!